We've got a great weekend shaping up for the Kern River Festival (April 18-19).

Not only do you get the ever-popular Brush Creek Race (3 minutes of a$$-scraping, lactic-tolerance induced bliss), the Brush Creek Extreme Race (the ultimate test of your creeking and carnage avoiding skills) and the first ever (I think) team boater-cross...

you also get a chance at immortality; the first ever Kern River Triple-Crown (Belt Buckle Included).

Yep, you've read it correct; I have now found three different ways to cheat at the Kern River Festival. Here is how it works - we take your time on the Brush Creek race, add it to your time on the first run of the extreme race, then add it to your one run time on the Slalom Course in town. Here is the catch - you have to use the same boat for all three events. Here is the bonus - you enter one race and you get free entry into all the others .

Event Descriptions:
Brush Creek Race - traditional downriver race from the top of the first waterfall to the bottom of the long slide. Event is under 3 minutes for the fastest, almost 10 minutes for Randolph (depending on the number of swims). The goal in the race is basically not to get beaten by Rebecca

Brush Creek Extreme Race - maneuver through, around and maybe even under a series of obstacles. Time penalties for incorrectly negotiating an obstacle or swimming. Top 10 in the first run move on to the final. The course will be in the triple drop area near the finish line so that the entire course is in view of the spectators and fellow competitors. The goal in this race is not to get ridiculed.

Team Boater Cross - Mass-start race where your only goal is to get all of your team members to the finish line first. No clutching or grabbing, preferably no face bashing or spearing. The goal of this race is not to get clutched/grabbed/face bashed or speared.

Park Slalom Run - standard slalom race where your total score is a combination of your running time and penalties for hitting/missing gates. The goal of this race is to work off your hangover (and win the Triple Crown).

Here is the preliminary schedule:

Friday Night
4-6 pm happy hour at KRBC (that's the brewery) - $1 off all our beers
8-10 pm Live music with the Sweet Water String Band from Mammoth
10 pm Showing of Risen Sun from Huckin' Huge, general debauchery and trash talking to ensue

Saturday
11 am Racer Meeting at Brush Creek Parking Lot
12 am Brush Creek Race Begins - Down River Race
2 pm Brush Creek Extreme Race begins
Beer:30 Team Boater Cross Begins
Beer:45 Informal Awards Presentation for all BC Races
6 pm Awards Diner at Sierra South
8-10 pm live music at KRBC with the Left Coast Groovies
10 pm more videos, debauchery and trash talking; possible nausea and black-outs after midnight

Sunday
9 am Slalom Race Begins - you have until noon to get your one run in.
High Noon Kern River Triple Crown winner is anointed.

So come on out, there will be lots of prizes (including the traditional "whitewater - the board game" for the B.C. race winner, the Golden Booty awards for the most pathetic display of paddling, and of course, lots of beer and schwag from our generous sponsors).